My #metoo

Her voice is finally being heard!

I had this amazing vision in 2014 and in that vision, I saw women coming together, I saw all the women throw their head back and let out their cry and that they were heard, they were supported, and it is time. I was in the middle of these women and then I joined them, and I was finally listened too as I also let out my cry.

I was 19 years old when I met him. I never been in love and I know I was not in love with him either, but I was interested in learning more about this taboo relationship, so I stepped into it and learned a lifetime of lessons. The relationship was very abusive both verbally and physically. I remember being thrown around like a little rag doll by this hunky muscular man. I was with him for almost two years before I escaped that life and lifestyle. That is not the story I am here to tell, I am here to tell you about #metoo.

I remember waking up one night, lying in bed next to my boyfriend and feeling strange. I felt like I had a sexual dream or something. I rolled over and went back to sleep.

This happened to me more than a few times until one night I saw something. I saw a shadow along the dark bedroom floor slithering out of my bedroom and closing the door behind them. What happened? What was that? I had this strange feeling come over me like I had been violated. I was confused because it couldn’t be, no it just could not be happening to me.

I just didn’t know what to do or say. I was lost in my own confusion. I stayed quiet until I finally realized what was happening to me and who was doing it.

My boyfriend, the man I was sleeping with every night, it was his brother that was sneaking into our bedroom at night and sexual assaulting me.

Now what? What to do? What the fuck? Well it wasn’t long after I figured it out what was taking place and the violation to me and my body that was taking place that I told.

YES, I TOLD!

Yes, I told the brother I was sleeping with that his brother was sneaking into our bedroom at night and sexually assaulting me, he was fondling me in my sleep. He was fucking finger fucking me while I slept!

I was horrified!

What happened next has been marked in my memory forever because those two brothers started fighting and tearing up all the furniture in every single room of the apartment and even continued outside what seemed like forever.

The sexual predator did physically threaten me at one point with a baseball bat, but I stood my ground and told him he would never assault me again and he never did.

He did end up in prison for 25 years for sexual assault and is now out and free but this is not about him either. This story is about a young woman just beginning her adult life and her life of dealing with sexual assault and mistreatment by men for most of her life.

I have lost jobs because of retaliation from men when I would report their misbehaviors, but I always stood my ground and if I lost a job or a man well I always felt it was time to move on anyway. This probably comes from a generation of don’t make waves, but the time has finally come to change all those old outdated beliefs.

To our men, just know we know you care about us and don’t know what to say or do but I can tell you that we do need to feel loved and supported now because this movement of #metoo and other events of the past year has been bringing up a lot of our pasts that many of us have tried to put behind us.

We ask that you hold space for us as we find our way and our voice which will allow healing to occur.

Pamela Jackson