I was discussing this with a client one day and later as I reflected on it I realized I have had several breakdowns in my life time. Some of them I saw as breakthrough because my life would change but I never realized that this was a sign I was not living authentically. I knew something was not right for me anymore, something deep inside of me was telling me I was not living an authentic life and it was time for a change.
I woke up the next day remembering that I have had at least one breakdown every 10 years more or less in my lifetime. I remembered that I had one in my early and then in my late teens, in my 20’s, in my 30’s, I had several in my 40’s and my last one at 50. The last one is when I started to realize I was not living my authentic life. I didn’t know what it was but I knew I needed to change something. All the other times after I survived a breakdown, I seem to have moved forward and made some major life decisions that took me down another path away from what and how I was living at that time.
Because of these events in my life I have come accustomed to loosing people. I have learned to let go and not hold to tight to anything or anyone. For the most part my life has been good and I am blessed to have what I have created in my life. It is when you reflect upon your life events you begin to see a clearer picture and new understanding and clarity takes place.
I do know that since my last breakthrough experience my life has completely changed. I have changed in almost all of my everyday habits and routines. I am more aware, more informed about the world and about me.
I use to wonder why me? Why was I chosen to suffer? Why would I chose this path, life lesson? What is my purpose?
I no longer wonder or ask these questions and I have been able to gain clarity and acceptance not only on these topics but also with many other questions. Once I stumble onto this spiritual path a path that has changed me down to the core. I know and understand that this was not an overnight event but it sure has been an exciting journey, a process of life.
My eyes have been opened, my mind has been calmed down, my soul has been healing and my spirit is at peace. Is my journey over? Oh I think not, I think it is only the beginning for me. I am learning to love myself in a new way and in that I am able to trust what I know to be true for me. I am defiantly not angry and have released a shit load of regrets, shame, resentments, loathing, negative and unproductive patterns and beliefs.
Waking up with new knowledge and information I now know that this has not been only for this lifetime or just for myself. I have a very old soul and I am a soul who came into this life time remembering past lives and events, who was dropped into a family where there is no support system and who stand out from all the rest, good or bad. I took on a lot in this lifetime, it was a part of my purpose to help humanity heal on many levels not just on this one.
I have always seen the big picture and have always know I just know stuff. The trick is trusting that knowing. What I have learned is as we stop the monkey mind, our self-talk becomes calmer something magical happens. Our heart begins to heal and open. As this happens we send so much love out into the world only to be continuously challenged with resistance and lessons but the magic happens when it comes back and we realize we have to start here first not last. When this happens and the true internal dialog begins and you hear the hidden words, messages, self-talk you will be surprised and relieved because now you can truly release these low and negative emotions on the final level to obtain a new sense of peace, gratitude and you will feel more grounded and confident in who you are and your purpose and mission this time around. There is a sense of acceptance in your spirit that you will gain for yourself and for others around you.
This life is a sacred soul journey but you can make it magical!
Mystic Pam Jackson